Table Stories: The Gravity of the Situation

So tell me, what would make you sit back and think, "how the hell did that happen," when it comes to dragon stories?  What is the weirdest dragon slaying story you know?  I think every gamer has one, and here is mine.

In our current setting, my paladin died (we brought him back, kind of, more on that in two weeks) and he was replaced by an old butler/alchemist gnome named Tyrion Lannister Tyrone Argent.  Tyrone fought with trickery and illusion, using that to his fighting advantage.  If that doesn't work, he plays his bardic songs on his flute.  He wasn't my best character, but he was a temporary replacement that worked for the time being.

Bringing back the image source links because I am an

honorable man, and Tyrone wills it! (source)

Before I continue, there is an actual set of rules for falling objects and how much damage said falling object can do in the DMG.  As the rules state:

For each 200 pounds of an object’s weight, the object deals 1d6 points of damage, provided it falls at least 10 feet. Distance also comes into play, adding an additional 1d6 points of damage for every 10-foot increment it falls beyond the first (to a maximum of 20d6 points of damage).

With the upper limit being 20d6 damage (I guess even fictional settings have to follow the laws following terminal velocity, simplistic terminal velocity that doesn't make sense due to the next few sentences, but still), an object that is 2,200 lbs, or around one tonne (the Queen's tonne that is), that falls 60 feet would do about 16d6 damage.  Realistically, upon reaching a certain height and falling speed, damage should be a lot higher (even a plane will buckle if a car was dropped on it, definitely more than 20d6 damage) so house rule, like we did, accordingly.  16d6 can do a maximum of 96 damage, which can kill a lot of creatures within the Monster Manual (or almost any PC) in one shot, if the Massive Damage rule doesn't kill you first.

Now imagine a dragon dying in this kind of way via something close to a tonne, oh like maybe, how about a polar bear.

After a tanglefoot bag stopped a White Dragon from flying around, it gets Eldritch Blasted by a warlock whom also summoned a polar bear, and after the weakened dragon burrowed into the snow, said bear was dropped.  That is the short and simple version of the story, no frills of the excitement of combat, but it's funnier than that, read on.

Soon after my paladin died, the Druid Storgon was trapped in a mirror, so his player brought in a Half-Orc Monk named Gerthunk, who was on a mission from Pelor to slay an evil on a mountain (the dragon).  Our part also recieved a mission from the Star Queen to slay said evil.  We climb and the epic battle gets underway.  The dragon had us on the defensive, so Mel's character, Dagon (eghads, a new name.  Readers say hi to Mel, he is cool) threw a tanglefoot bag at its wings, bringing the dragon to crash into the mountainside, and causing an avalanche.  I think I should also mention that the warlock and I flew up to bring the White Dragon to the part, and so he could lift me, I took off my armor and my gear except my flute (and you don't know where that was), which was all buried in the snow.

I run off to find a burrowing critter to help me uncover the equipment, only to discover the injured and pissed off dragon.  This lead me to run off in the opposite direction saying the most famous chant in my gaming career, "IT'S NOT A FUCKING WEASLE!!!!"  Obviously, with only my flute, my Bard was basically relegated to doing nothing but play music the entire battle (Except for my dart throw, which was this video).  So the warlock, aka, our one-man army, beats up the dragon with Eldritch Blasts, and leads it to burrow.  Gerthunk leaps into the hole to Minecraft punch the dragon into submission.  The Warlock then commands a summoned polar bear to fall into the hole, killing the dragon... and Gerthunk.

Warlock Wins!  FATALITY! (source)

Our party would not remember the name of Gerthunk, nicknaming him posthumously as Gersplat, for the last sound we knew of him.  We then save Storgon, revive Amadeus, and return to the Gnome City to tell of our hilarious tale of glory.

And Amadeus walks alone into an Armory and walks up to the counter. (Play this video and read the next few lines, we all know which of my characters is associated with this song).

"Shopkeep!  Shopkeep!"

"Yes, what is it?  What do you want at this hour?"

"Do you know of anyone in town that sells... a hand crossbow."

To be continued...