Pokemon: Skoda Edition

Why do Skodas have heated rear windscreens?
To keep your hands warm while your pushing it.

I love Pokemon.  It was one of my first RPGs, and Gold/Silver is in my top five RPG video games.  Perhaps, without Pokemon, my love for D&D wouldn't exist; and then this blog wouldn't exist.  It was a key growing up experience is what I am trying to say.  So when Pokemon Go was announced, I squealed and orgasmed like I was trying to sell a cheap porn.

Speaking of Pokemon Go; how do you double the price of a Skoda?  Toss a penny into it!

Before I go on, let me explain the Skoda.  It's a cheaply made Eastern European car, and the butt of many jokes about how crappy it is.  Legend has it that getting it to the top of a hill was a miracle, and that going down that hill was one of the only ways to pass forty miles per hour!  With that said; Pokemon Go is sadly like the Skoda.  Don't get me wrong, the game is ambitious and fun... when you get it working.  Catching Pokemon has never been so fun.  It has also made me exercise more, and such things help with my dreaded depression.  I'm sure, over time, this game will be totally awesome!

It's just not awesome now.

Why did the Skoda cross the road?
It was supposed to be going along it but the steering failed!

My fiance and I spent the better part of the day after lauch lookin at this screen:

Now, granted, this is not an uncommon occurrence with freshly launched MMO titles of any stripe.  However, usually companies quickly adapt or else fall behind and get low marks.  Pokemon Go is falling behind.  It is now day three, and still it's not uncommon to see the above screen.

It's also not unusual to have my avatar pulling a Walt Disney; standing still for long lengths of time as I walk down the street, around the corner and into a nearby locale.  All that time, my avatar is enjoying the comforts of my living room, playing with my XBox and eating all of my homemade chicken strips.  Pokeballs have game freezing powers that rival Sonic '06.  Seriously, how many Caterpie have I lost, even a Koffing!  Thankfully a second one popped up.  I have also read that some people had lost items and even evolving pokemon during random freeze-ups and crashes.

Why is a skoda and a baby similar?
They both never go anywhere without a rattle!

There is one major difference between Pokemon Go and the ill-fated Skoda.  The game will improve, and only become better.  The game itself is a lot of fun despite being buggy.  And buggy it is, don't even get me started on the PokeDex!  Pokemon Go is not a crappy game.  It's only the launch that was horrible!

Chest in the Attic: When Elves were Elves

I began gaming with the second version of the third edition of Dungeons and Dragons also known as 3.5.  One thing I loved with this was being able to play a variety of classes with any race I basically wanted.  Half-Elf Ranger was a personal favorite.  A friend of mine loved Halflings and would play a variety of classes as a Halfling.  Rogue, Cleric, Warlock; he did them all.  Looking back, I think his race of choice would have probably been Kender if he could choose it.

I remember this one hilarious adventure where our Druid (who was a Dwarf btw) left the party to face the undead without any divine help, except for my Paladin.  Of course, my Paladin gets killed almost immediately.  Upin the Druid's return, my character was reincarnated via the spell of the same name, and became an Elf.  Reincarnate would be a huge deal back in AD&D.  My Paladin would, in the normal rules, no longer be a Paladin.  Elves cannot be Paladins, only Humans.  This would have left quite an awkward situation for our party, as well as been almost a character ender since the now Elf non-Paladin would be somewhat of a sucky Fighter without Fighter abilities or Paladin ones.

While the 2e DMG suggests that the class restriction rules can be waived, this would be for rare situations, and Paladins are supposed to be rare as is.  Its weird to think that my character's career would have ended due to changing race.  Were the deities in 2e racists who saw Elves as only Chaotic?  Or maybe Elves have some other divine warrior fate.

In the Threshold e-magazine for Alfheim, they had Elf classes for Classic BECMI D&D.  In that list was the unique name level class of Druid Knight, a Paladin-like character that uses the forces of nature for his powers.  Something about the Druid Knight seems so perfectly Elvish, something alien and mystical, a warrior who takes his prowess to an art form.  This would be something I would pilfer for AD&D.  Something akin to the Druidic Knight appears in the current edition eith Oath of the Ancients, a subclass of Paladin.

I guess its just weird for me, a child of the d20 era. Here, Dwarves can totally become wizards if they wish to. With older editions and retroclones, I would sooner run into a scientists and tell him that pi is exactly 3 instead of suggesting a Dwarf Wizard.  The overwhelming ability to choose my character without debating the idea to the DM is something the newer generation takes for granted.  Forget Classical D&D for a moment where Dwarf was a class, the idea of an arcane casting class for Dwarves is such an alien concept.

And yet, I find it somewhat artistic in its own way.  Dwarves, Elves, what have you; the older editions seem to make then feel more like a vibrant culture with some of the restrictions.  I believe something similar to this is the explaination to Race as Class.  The explaination being that non-humans are so rare that they only have that ine example to work with.  Its why Dwarf Clerics only came into being eith the Rockhome Gazetteer.  Its a weak defense, but I can understand it.

So what do I, a child of the d20 era prefer?  I guess what was done in the AD&D era, but with caveats.  Humans were unique with choice, but even certain human cultures would probably have class restrictions.  I can't see the Red Wizards really be okay with non-magical warriors running around all the time.  Then again, my expertise is not in Realmslore.  So if we only view class restriction as a cultural thing, then the concept comes into view.

What is your take on this subject.  Do you see yourself agreeing more with Classical, AD&D, or the d20 and post-d20 era?  Post in the comments below.

Chest in the Attic: Sticks and Stones CAN Break Your Bones

A friend of mine on Facebook asked a question of all her friends who play D&D.  She asked: "How do you determine damage of other materials such as stone or wood, do you base it on hardness?"

Many people responded with some math based responses, but mine was quite simple: Look to Dark Sun.  

http://dungeonsmaster.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/11/brom-03.jpg

Dark Sun, being a metal scarce setting, has a lot of stone and bone weaponry.  It's basically Mad Max meets D&D, which actually sounds pretty damn epic if you ask me.  Epicness aside, any way to find out if the work has been done for you already in either an official or semi-official way is miraculous.  In our hyperbusy world today, if a DM can find any way to reduce the work needed to make their game, the better.  It's how I DM.  It can be called lazy, sure, but that's what separates us regular Joes who happen to make campaigns and such, and the geniuses who make entire games, like Monte Cook or Zak Sabbath.

The other lazy answer is that any wooden weapon could be considered a club.  I'm not going to cut anything with a wooden sword, it is basically a glorified club.  Wooden arrows or spears can be exempt from this, since they can go stabby-stabby.  This is why pages during the medieval era, or anyone starting out in weapons training, usually starts with wood.  You're not going to slice someone's guts open with a wooden knife.  That is not how it works.

And yet does surprising amounts of damage to Zombies.  Wouldn't use it against Skeletons... or Creepers

http://vignette1.wikia.nocookie.net/minecraftpocketedition/images/f/fd/Wooden_sword.png/revision/latest?cb=20140927052946

Some materials act like the iron/steel weapons that are printed in the main rulebooks.  Obsidian daggers, spears, and arrowtips can slice as effectively as steel, and bronze weaponry are as battle worthy as iron.  However, both obsidian and bronze tend to break easier, and are why they are considered lower quality.  A common rule on this usually turns a critical fumble into structural failure of the weapon, with a second critical fumble breaking the weapon entirely.  However, a Bronze Age campaign can entirely side-step this by making the iron weapons the equivalent of bronze and turn iron or steel into magical weaponry.  That is how I rule it in my Sword-and-Sandals setting.

Ultimately, as any of my DM/GM advice goes, the ultimate determination on how such weaponry works is up to you.  You are the maker of your own setting.  However you wish to rule wooden/stone/bronze/etc. weapons is ultimately up to you.  Happy gaming!

The Many Names of Drizzt Do'Urden

Drizzt Do'Urden... Obviously

Dr. Zit Do'Surgery

Drizzle-tits Dance'Tassel

Drizzle Fo'Shizzle

Deedee McElf

Mary Sue

Dick Do'Scrotalplay

Popularizer of Elf Ragers... Everywhere

Fuckin' Elf Names

R.A. Salvatore's dude

Drit-Zitz D'Emoelf

Gary Stu

Drzzt D'rdn

Tyler Durden

Drizzit D'Urden (how I alwayd used to spell it)

Most overplayed character race since 2003

Drizzt Do'IWannaBeTanis

Peter Parker/Spider Man

Toby Maguire

Grandpa's racist terminology that I am ashamed of

Elfkin Fap Material

Drizzt In Every Forgotten Realms Game

Drizzt I'msexierthanLegolas

Benedict Cumberbatch

The Elf equivalent of Disney's Frozen

Drizztitzdirzititz, the typist electrocuted himself

Ted Cruz/Zodiac Killer

That guy with the dual scimitars

Keezer Dröwze

The Good Drow

The Good Drow's Garden

Other puns on The Good Witch series

Seriously how many Good Witch movies are there?

Sarah Manning

Drotzle the German Drow

Drizzle-tits... Wait... I said that one

Faerun's Daredevil

...yup, that about does 'er.  Wraps 'er all up.

Things turned out purdy good for the Drow and 'is gang...

Chest in the Attic: Unboxing Karameikos: Kingdom of Adventure

NOTE: This post appeared first on my short lived revival blog; Chest in the Attic.  It's only fitting I move those posts over to my revived main blog.

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My old group in New Jersey and my current one in Orlando know I am a Mystaraphile.  I have so many pdfs, mainly Threshold and the old Gazetteers.  Yet, I have had no physical Mystara item.... until now!

Before I crawl in, I want to make you aware that, yes, I am aware of what a lot of the Mystara community thinks of the AD&D Box Sets, excluding the Red Steel ones.  While not reviled, many state they do not hold up a candle to the old Gazetteers.  I will leave my thoughts on the matter by saying that I personally disagree, but I can see where they are coming from.  I have read the old Gazetteer for Karameikos, and love it deeply.  It made the Grand Duchy/Kingdom my favorite setting with its realism and detail.

I got the box set because I came across a pdf of it and wanted to find a hard copy. That, and I have AD&D books but no Classical BECMI in hard copy.  Let me state that the art is beautiful, and I can't wait to play a game in this setting.

Now let us get into the unboxing!

I'm going to start with the box already opened.  I am posting with my phone and the box closed would have given away my address, which is a dumb thing to do on the internet.  The first glimpse into the box and seeing that typeface made my heart race, and I was already dead tired from working an overnight and then going to Aquatica and SeaWorld with barely any rest.

And then the box itself.  I like evocative art.  Its what attracted me to the newest edition.  Well, that and the fact that it was no longer 4e.  Here we have a knight fighting a red dragon.  Evocative, but kind of trite, even for the old days of gaming.

When I first opened the box, I was kind of scared of the possibility that some of the material would not be there.  From my last check, I believe the only missing material is one or two of the handouts.  That's okay with me.  Disappointed?  Yeah, but it could have been worse.

And here is the meat of the set, the campaign book and the adventure book.  I love these books.  I'll start with the adventure book by saying that the adventures are basic but solid, and ends with more adventure hooks that you could use.  I would work with these as well as using the Mystara fan edit of Lost Mines of Phandelver, placing the action near Verge and Threshold.  This would make for a good intro campaign for 5e until they get around to an official 5e Mystara.

The campaign book is basically an updated version of the Gazetteer to bring it up to speed both with the rules and with the Wrath of the Immortals plotline.  Again, I know what people think about WotI, and again, I didn't mind it much.  To me, it made Mystara become less like the generic medieval fantasy.  Amazing medieval fantasy, perhaps one of the best ones, but still Tolkeinesque and generic.  Immortals are important to the setting, and WotI brought them out in force.  But I digress.  The campaign book has in depth info on the landscape and its history.  We also get a solid cast of characters to put in any Karameikan campaign.

Also, sexy leg time!

Here we have two poster-sized maps.  I guess one of my only criticisms of the set is how ugly the maps look.  I have better maps on my phone that I will use for any campaigns, but these would make for amazing wall art when framed and put on the wall of a future game room.  But the region map does have nearby nations mapped a little, for out of country adventures.

Lastly, if I send this in I feel like the ghost of TSR might come and haunt my apartment.  If it does, I don't think I would want to exorcise it at all.  Hell, I would be holding nightly seances for all my friends so we could get campaign ideas and adventures.

I guess a downfall of this is that it gets hard to find people who want to play the old stuff.  Most gamers I know get nerdboners over Pathfinder.  The NJ group didn't want to play 5e when I came out, not crunchy enough.  However, a beautiful thing about Mystara material is how easy it is to adapt to any D&D ruleset or clone of said ruleset.

The Dark Little Hole

Falling into Depression

Dying, Slowly

Feeling, Badly

Walking, Thusly

Falling, Deeply

Crying, Lonely

Struggling, Silently

Some times it's hard to say what's needed

The hero's subdued and the coward succeeded

Drowning, Quickly

Thinking, Deadly

Climbing, Sadly

Resting, Eternally

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I wanted to write a blog post about something big in my life.  It's not the living in Florida or the engagement, I will write about them later.  Instead, let's talk about depression.  Yes depression, that little black rain cloud that floats above your head that only you can see.  That rain only you can feel.  I have always personified it as something that almost looks like Abraxas, a chicken headed beinn; except having tentacles instead of serpent legs.  It carries a lasso in my personification, or perhaps a noose.  But, no matter how you view it in your mind's eye, depression is that all consuming mental state that drowns out even the brightest lights.  It sucks, plain and simple.

I have had depression since I was sixteen years old.  Sophmore year of high school was really rough.  After that I was good for quite a few years until I was twenty-two.  Even in that good time, however, many things were dull and subdued.  I shut people out of my life and withdrew into my room.  Buddhist philosophy and praxis, as well as a good dose of friends and D&D, started to turn things around.  But that pit was always there, waiting for me to slip and fall in.  And that was when I was twenty-two.

Things got bad, really fast.  Ironically, it was when I had my first job that wasn't either under the table or seasonal.  On September 7th of 2013,  I almost took my own life.  I was hospitalized for the entire evening.  The hospital psychiatrist wanted me to be held from between 24-72 hours, but a telecommuted psychiatrist, as well as the charge nurse, deemed me well enough to go home.  Ever since then, it had been monthly meetings with a state ordained therapist and weekly meetings with a personal therapist.  Soon the monthly meetings died down and the weekly visits became bi-weekly.  I was put on Lexapro for a while, but I felt more negatively impacted by it than helped.  Plus, let's face it, guys like to do something known as ejaculate, and Lexapro doesn't really help.

My personal therapist was the one who helped me realize that depression sometimes doesn't go away.  It's like it rewires your brain to be predisposed to sadness.  It took me a while to be okay with that.  He also warned that sometimes it can come and go in waves.  That is part of the reason I stopped blogging in 2014, it came back again.  I also became busy working in the direct support field and dating Krista, as well as focusing on myself.  I needed that time.  Time affects all things.  I grew more comfortable in the group home I worked in, I DM'd for a short time, and I asked Krista to marry me.

Thoughout this whole time, still that pit sits there.  Some days I stand on the edge, they are more common than not.  Yet days are coming where I don't even see that hole in the ground.  I know that those days won't last, it will probably cycle around again a few years later.  However, now I have climbing gear and I know how to fall and not hurt myself.  The poem above reflects the fear I have that such things would not be enough, a lot of depressed people have that fear.  Yet I remain hopeful that everything I learned has made me strong, a warrior in the mental arts.  I've studied so much on how to find contentment in the everyday world.  So when that Abraxas-like monster comes around again, I am ready!

Vegging Out and Terraria

I love Terraria!

I would say that I LOVE Terraria, but I know I am goin to wind up with yet another Grandia moment where I forget to capitalize LOVE and have to make another 5-4-5 screw-ups list.  A blogger can only do that so much before they embarrass themselves and leave blogging, and I have already left this blog twice now.  I don't think Musings can take too many more leavings.  Besides, I have Google AdSense now, that means big money, big prizes.  I love it!

(DISCLAIMER: Musings of a Lehigh Valley Guy began and still exists because I love writing and nerdy things, and want to share that love to the world.  Imagine it as ice cream.  The money I make from AdSense is like the chocolate sprinkles.)

(SOURCE: http://cdn.akamai.steamstatic.com/steam/apps/105600/header.jpg?t=1447354225)

Terraria is one of the most well known mining/building games on the market, besides Minecraft.  I prefer Terraria to the latter, to no fault of its own.  Terraria hits me in the nostalgia zone.  It reminds me of Wonder Boy in Monster World or Ys III: Wonderers from Ys.  There is also much more to do, namely because it is 2-D and has had more people involved.  For a while, Minecraft had Markus Persson, a heroic game designer by any measure, programming the whole thing.  Minecraft also has the whole 3-D perspective to its advantage, which leads to some amazing architecture.  Terraria also suffers from its bosses behaving more like Flatland, with the A Square that is your PC is visited by the A Sphere that is the Eye of Cthulhu.  It breaks the willful suspension of disbelief, and leads to situations where, the best course of action is to wage a war of attrition and hide behind the mound of dead bards.

With the criticism out of the way, I want to discus what I love about the game.  Each biome is artfully rendered and each one unique.  The different environs have unique underground locales and dungeons that come with their own enemies and materials to build and use.  The current game has either a demonic biome or a bloody biome that is reminiscent of  a haunted cartridge creepypasta.  The latter biome, by the way, is my favorite.  It makes me think of some godlike entity that died and that its ichor corrupted the world.  There are also biomes that come after certain conditions are met, meteor landing sites and a heavenly realm known as the Hallowed.  However, even in the Hallowed with the unicorns and such that run wild, everything wants to kill you.

Above we have an image of me playing the game with my warrior character, building an appropriate wizard's tower for my wizard/magic-based character.  We also get to see the Amiibo collection Krista and I have, but that is not important at the moment.  I think I have spent a good few hours just joyfully collecting materials and building this tower.  I can't even sit down to play a heavily grinding based RPG for twenty minutes, and I beat all the original NES Dragon Warrior games.  I find the sense of exploration and building the world to be satisfying.  People love seeing their own creations, virtual ones are no different.  I once built a castle in Minecraft, throne and all.  Those were good days, relaxing in the LV, waiting for Comic-Con to come around.  But I digress.  Minecraft and Terraria are both art games in their own way, with RPG elements added on to mix things up and make them exciting.

There wasn't really and point to this post, just wanted to talk about what I have been up to, and to talk about Terraria.  It's fun to blog just for fun from time to time.

:)

You're a Guy, a Lehigh Valley Guy

And I'll always be a Lehigh Valley Guy.

I took time away from this blog because life happened.  We trade in our hobbies for suits and our happiness for slaving away at a full time job when life happens.  We find true love when life happens, that shining golden moment when we find our true love.  We rediscover, we grow, we adult hardcore, we learn.  We make blogs that crumble apart within two posts and reinvent our worldviews when life happens.  And we discover ourselves.

Since my 2015 post, I got engaged to my soulmate, Krista.  We moved to Florida soon after, in early October.  I felt like that was the end of the Lehigh Valley Guy.  You kind of have to be in the Lehigh Valley to be the Guy.  But as fate would have it, we are planning to move back at the end of the year, after we wed and the apartment lease ends.  We miss the Valley, we miss our friends and family.  Not to say that Florida sucks, Florida has wonderful flora and fauna, which is good for our budding photography business.  However, we discovered within ourselves that we are not Floridians.  We are our homelands in some respect.  Ours is on the banks of the Delaware River.

I created a blog called Chest in the Attic.  This is me saying that that blog is being subsumed into this one as a bi-monthly column.  Table Plan and Table Stories are being brought back in this, as well as any unboxings, reviews, and such.  It makes it easier to write a regular column if I take the time to write what I want within reason, instead of heavily restricting myself like I did.  That page will be changing up.

When I return up north I will also be doing columns about stuff going on in the Valley.  Local shit, I know, but its a part of me.  As I have said in a way early post, this blog is me in a way.  And hey, we are close enough to Philly and NYC, so I guess it is more than local (ie, more Comic-Con coverage).  Speaking of personal stuff; I will promote my partner's photography on here like I'm Bill Clinton illegally promoting Hillary at the polls.  Maybe not the best allusion, but I'm sure you catch my drift.

A wise woman once told me, write what you know.  That woman is my mother.  It's high time I listen to her when it comes to blogging!