First, I had to tell the world about my new wallet, which I still love and use by the by. And then I began Pagan Blog Project because it was something I wanted to do, and its educational goddamn it! But now I am backed into a corner. I have no other choice, it's either this or the boiling vat of acid, ad you will learn in a paragraph why that makes me quake in my gamer shoes. So, without further adieu: Amadeus, the Naked Paladin.
Lazlo died in the campaign, died in the most ironic was for a rogue to die, an obvious trap. Now, granted, he was trying to stop the Ollie the Halfling Cleric from walking into said trap, but that still doesn't heal the wound of falling into it and dieing in one hit of the acid. Seriously, who puts a giant pool of acid in their throne room. One accidental flipping of the switch and you go for a swim hotter than buffalo sauce.
So we basically had a TPK (Total Party Kill, for those who don't know), only the Wizard survived. Anyway, we had to roll up new characters, and mine was the younger brother (yet older than Lazlo because of the timey wimey stuff that went on after the Cave of Irmite, the Lazy God of Time) of Lazlo, Amadeus Quicksilver. Amadeus is a Paladin.
I seriously wish this joke happened, since Paladins are kind of a
well known fantasy occupation
Before I continue, I must first spend this entire paragraph talking about the stereotype of Paladins in D&D. Yes, I am talking about LAWFUL STUPID. The kind of person that is over zealous, prattling on about morals (and in our modern American culture: Jesus, Jesus, Jesus), holding themselves as holier-than-thou, sometimes even coming off as ethnocentric when it comes to morals; you know that guy? That guy can be considered Lawful Stupid. Mainly because we do not know how to be paragons of goodness and morality, especially not the paragon of goodness and morality of a polytheistic culture like most D&D settings are. If you were playing a Paladin of the Church of the Silver Flame in the Eberron setting, then I can kind of see it justified, but not in vanilla D&D!
Now I'm not saying that I am a paragon myself, far from it, but I do know how a polytheistic society works, being one myself. So I basically took the Five Precepts of Buddhism and Paladinized them a bit, while adding a sixth one to respect other gods. It's THAT simple to cure Lawful Stupid. Even Helm in the Forgotten Realms, a god favored by Paladins in that setting, used subterfuge and less-than-lawful methods to obtain a goal in Prince of Lies (and was called out by the evil god of thieves Mask: "I always figured you for a storm-the-front-gates-in-broad-daylight sort of strategist!").
What else makes Amadeus unique among Paladins is that, because he does not have the endurance feat, he learned to fight with a crossbow... at night... in the nude...
That's right, in the nude!
Shave off Amadeus' beard and mustache, grow him to Colossal size,
and put him in the middle of NYC, and this is what it will look like!
Funny thing is, all the combats we entered he fought nude in. Giant spiders in the forest? Nude! Unicorn encounter? Nude! Running from a Fire Giant? Nude! Attacking a thieves guild to get stuff back for the party? Robbed! But what was he wearing underneath that simple robe? BIRTHDAY SUIT!!!
My gaming group cannot deny it, Amadeus Quicksilver kicks major ass in the buff. He didn't even need his crossbow to take on the thieves, he flat out clocks a guy with his fists of holy fury. I had no theme coming in to playing Amadeus, like the James Bond-esque Lazlo, but I think I'm never going to give Amadeus light armor for the nighttime, no-sir-ee! After the last two sessions, I think every D&D party needs a nude Paladin; and that's the truth!
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