Io Saturnalia! Soon the greenery will be up and I will abscond with a very naturey pre-coke Santa statue for my Saturn Altar!
But that is not what this post is all about. No, you want to know why I think grating Christmas music makes the wee baby Seamus... I mean... Jesus cry
Imagine if you will you are listening to the radio, maybe some Aerosmith was just playing and you are in a happy place, and then the people at the radio company decide to play "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Clause." Yeah, you know what I'm talking about. The adult faking what they think a kid sounds like singing, only to come off as so grating, the cheese basically grates itself. I guess it would be great for a taco meal, or for a Billy Mays commercial, but not for Christmas and certainly not for your frail mortal ears. Damn, that song makes even the ears of the Gods bleed!
There is no faster way to kill the holiday groove for me than those kinds of songs. Not even Blink 182's "I Won't Be Home For Christmas" or the classic parody "Walking 'round in Women's Underwear" can save the mutilated mood lying in a bloody pulp on the floor of my soul (yes, my soul has a floor, and a ceiling apparently). It makes me want to burn down an entire Christmas tree farm to the ground, and punch a Salvation Army Santa right in the jaw and take his money to spend on booze to help me forget such song exist.
If you want a child to sing a Christmas song, then get a child to sing it, there are billions of them, in all shapes and sizes! I don't think its that hard to get one to sing one. You don't need an adult to fake the voice and fake it horribly. Not everyone can be Nancy Cartwright or Veronica Taylor, and just because you aren't, don't have a cow man. You probably can sing any other Christmas song in the books.
I just don't find it cute or funny, I find it very irritating, and I'm sure, deep inside, it makes the wee baby Jesus cry.
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