Table Plan/Story: When it's Time to Say Goodbye

First of all, let's just sit back and look at the remarkable absence I have had from blogging in its entirety.  Sometimes life takes us for a curveball and the weirdest shit happen.  Sometimes we fall on hard times for extended periods.  Others, we get so caught up in the good things that we lose track of other projects.  Sometimes we are scooped up into events so legendary the likes of Homer and Tolkien cannot match them (which was what happened to me).  We then come back to these other parts of our lives and wonder just what the Hell happened, what in the name of the Gods changed?

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Which brings us to the main point of this Table Plan AND Table Story COMBO-BREAKER!  I have been playing with this D&D/Pathfinder group for almost two years now.  These have been two amazing years full of dragon slaying, dungeon plundering, maiden deflowering, Paladin redeeming, and comradery.  However, due to issues that had come up in my life that intersected with a few members of the group (and the people who own the house we play at), alongside other changes in my life like losing my job and finding true love, I felt like I didn't jive with half of the group anymore.  This lead to a major fork in the road: either radically change absolutely everything with the group, or leave the group on good terms.

I chose the latter choice, and let me tell you, it is no easy choice to make.

 

Some of these problems were a long time coming, things were done and said behind my back, some of these things involved other people who were in my life or are still in it.  As on the changes outside of the group, it is a commonly known thing in gaming group that major life changes do tend to pull either some members away or make the entire group fall apart.  One campaign that I was a part of with a different group (but had members overlap between) was held at this one couple's house that I am very close friends with, but certain changes made them pull away from the group.  I to left that group.  Even then I could tell I was gonna have some of those issues bleed into my main group.  What was left was me feeling like, while some members of the group would have loved for me to stay and play, I no longer felt welcome with the rest.

So I simply explained to the GM that I was having issues with some members of the group, and with other life changes on top of that, decided it would be for the best if I left.

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This brings us to the Plan part of the post: when does one know if it is time to leave the group.  Sometimes this decision is easy.  If you used to play a weekly game in Chicago and then moved to someplace far away like Orlando, Florida or Bend, Oregon; I doubt you would still be playing in that weekly game.  Gas prices are getting better, but not THAT much better.  Another example of an easy version of the decision is time difference.  If the group plays on Friday nights and you work Friday nights, you can't just up and skip work to play.  That would be irresponsible.  Playing with that group would require a time change.  This is why such websites like Roll20 are amazing, able to play campaigns anywhere with anyone at any time.

Yet, like with my situation, sometimes the choices is difficult.  There is group remediation that can happen that can fix most problems.  For example, if there is a treasure hog in the group, the group can sit down and talk with the member on this issue.  Bada-bing, problem solved.  This works for out-of-game issues as well.  For example, a smoker who take so many smoking breaks that it bogs down the group can be asked to not take as many, for the sake of not breaking up game time.

Some smoke breaks are longer than others

http://weknowmemes.com/2013/11/bong-smoking-jasmine/

 

However,  sometimes the problem is greater than a simple bit of remediation can handle, especially if the problems are more personal in nature.  sometimes you handle the problems but they come back again or in a new form.  This is where you must ask yourself two simple questions: how healthy am I for the group, and how healthy is the group for me?  Maybe healthy isn't the best word, maybe substitute it for how much of a fit you are for the group and vice verse.  If you look at those questions and the answer comes up negative on both of them, then maybe it is time.

 

A close friend of mine, who has been gaming for much longer than I, also gave the advice that you will know when it is time to leave the group.  It is almost intuitive.  So I sat there in my girlfriend's kitchen and decided to let my intuition tell me what to do.  I mean, looking for signs from the universe, known as augury, is a practice as old as mankind.  My gallbladder flipped me the bird and proceeded to do its best impression of being a victim of Jack the Ripper.  I couldn't have gotten a sharper image on what to do if I tried.

 

When you do leave a group, unless it was a really bad time, do try to end it on a positive note.  I told my GM that I hope to play in future campaigns with him and others in the group.  Simply put, nothing more, nothing less.  And I do hope to play with them in the future.