D&D Stories: Poke the Hydra With a Dagger

THAT!  That, my friends, is a Hydra.  The Hydra is a multi-headed magical beast that, when one head is sliced off, two more grow back in its place.  The Hydra comes from Greco-Roman Mythos (as a Pagan, I prefer the term mythos to mythology for some reason), where it is called the Lernaean Hydra and was slain by Heracles (Roman: Hercules).  When Heracles chopped off one head, while Iolaus, his nephew, used a firebrand to cauterize the wound, so no heads could grow back.  Using a golden sword entrusted by Athena (Roman: Minerva), Heracles chopped the last head and buried it under a rock.

The point of the brief retelling of the Myth of the Hydra is that, basically, Hydras are fucking scary!  They are supposed to be a huge challenge to slay, utilizing teamwork, much like in the myth.  Your fighter Cleaves his way through the heads faster than the others can apply fire or acid damage, say hi to a higher CR monster!  Granted, in the rules I do believe it states that a Hydra cannot have more than twice the number of heads it started out with, but still, your party of level 4 PCs can suddenly bite off more than it can chew when suddenly they are faced with a CR 6 monster, and still more heads need to grow back.  You could also attack the body, but the heads get to attack.  There is just no easy way to go about it.  Hydras are like boss monsters...

...unless the DM forgets that they are playing with the insta-kill rule (rolling three 20's on a d20, once for Crit, once for confirming the Crit, and the final one to see if you get lucky and can kill it in one shot)...

Let me give you a quick intro to Ceilos the Half-Elf Ranger.  Scout, great with two-weapon fighting, not so much with a bow, has either a hawk named Soar or a panther named the Ace of Spades (depending on the campaign), and is somewhat of a metaphysical biologist (though I am definitely not a biologist IRL).  He is the one character that I made that acts the most like me, but I am always vigilant to make sure that when I do play him or write about him that I don't slip into Mary Sue-dom.  Remember that info, there may be a test later :P.

And then later in the same campaign with this story, he took classes

in Duskblade from the Player's Handbook 2

So, I successfully track a demon to this island that we sail to in hope to save this nobleman or mage, I forget exactly the occupation of the guy, only that he was important.  The very first combat on the island was a disaster for my ranger, whom, when not fighting with a Khopesh and a Kukri (I think it was this same campaign that I fell into the calling card/vice of my characters using unusual weaponry in combat), had only his longbow.  For some reason that I do not know, the Random Number God seems to hate the concept of my ranger using a bow.  The potion salesman who happened to be on this island and attacked by a Chimera was killed off by an arrow when I rolled two 1's in a roll.  Let me also state that the potion salesman was behind me.

While we lost directions to the place where the important guy was brought to (my spot/survival checks were only for reaching the island), we did get a whole bunch of free loot with potions.  Eventually, after camping for the night, we did find a castle on the island.  It has a natural landbridge over a deep chasm, and the bridge was guarded by a Hydra, meant to be a sub-boss of sorts before entering the castle.  So the DM played it up, making sound huge and scary.  Roll for initiative, and my ranger fails to disappoint!  I run up, get attacked with AoO's, and then I roll!

20!

Confirm Crit!

20!

Um... oh shit oh shit oh shit, please don't roll another.........

20!

Ceilos the Ranger walks up to the Hydra and pokes it with his kukri.  Somehow, the poke hits the Hydra in a pressure point that immediately makes its heart explode.  Also, the poke made it trip and it fell down the chasm, taking max damage from the huge fall.  It also landed on a stalagmite spike on the bottom and was subsequently eaten by a grue in the darkness.  I d20'd it to death!

I don't think the DM expected his epic encounter to be ended by the ranger in one attack, but hey, I take it that the Random Number God was apologizing.  But thus continues the love-hate relationship both Gamers and DM/GMs have with the rules.  Conga Lines of Death, of both the bottleneck and flanking varieties?  Area of Effect spells?  The joy of summoning?  These are things us Gamers love that our GM/DMs hate, and how!

I must say that the Hydra Slaying story is a favorite D&D story to tell others when I talk D&D.  It was built up to be this epic encounter before the castle proper that by sheer luck I end without breaking a sweat.  I guess, after fighting a mind flayer in the castle, helping the Drow in the party solve a racial test and getting the upper hand of a Deck of Many Things like a boss, there is only one quote that can describe Ceilos in that campaign, if he was missing one artifact of clothing...

Originally I had an image of:

"Belkar from Order of the Stick, the sexy shoeless god of war"
I recently read on the Giant In The Playground FAQ's that
the author of OotS, basically, doesn't really like that his images get used
w/o permission.  Out of honor and a love for his work, I decided to remove
the image.  But, honestly, Ceilos is Belkar except Neutral Good and with shoes.

ADDENDUM: As soon as I posted this post the only thing I could think of, thanks to the title was Ceilos being held at the bottom of a well by a crazed fan who tosses him down a Hydra doll and a rusty kukri and says "It pokes the Hydra with the kukri.... It pokes the Hydra with the kukri or else it gets the hose again...."  Thought I would inject one last funny bit.