This morning, I felt like that. I woke up completely groggy, and it felt like time itself was not moving, just in stasis. I was Bill Murray in Groundhog Day, trapped in one uninteresting moment. I woke up, not in a post nuclear holocaust world, but in the detritus of what felt like my life just passing me by. Or, to quote my friend Destiny, I was having a mope. This mope didn't last long, in fact after I was energized, I felt alright. However, one part of that mope is sitting there like the food with the paddle ball toy on the Orbitz commercial.
I am currently in the throws of another job hunt, I still have to go back to college to at least get my BA, and I still have yet to take my EMT exam. I used to have so much zeal, its still there, my hope stills fuels me, but its like subdued. I can sit back and blame it on the negative environment I'm living in, or the fact that the economy here sucks, but like in Margaritaville, it's my own damn fault. They say recognizing the problem is a great first step, then you just have to take that next step.
One foot...
...in front of...
...the other.
Of course, no one can do it alone, which is why I am so thankful for the people in my life that believe in me, that believe in that old childhood fantasy that I can become anything I set my mind to. Fuck the economy, fuck societal norms, and fuck all the people that say you can't. I full heartedly believe in "Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the Law." No one fulfills their Will, their arete, by sitting on their ass. But like Frodo, I can't do it alone, I need my Sam, and thats what the wonderful people in my life are, my Sam.
I needed a place to vent this to, and also to hopefully inspire others who read this to go out and do. Do what, I can't tell you. College is not for everyone, and neither is taking up a trade, but you never know if you don't go out and do. Life is about doing!
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